Are you noticing that the honeymoon period (yes, it’s a thing!) is over in your relationship?
Imagine if, rather than giving up, going quiet, or playing small - you doubled down on your relationship instead!
I am talking about the courage it takes to create a successful, hot & connected relationship by getting really intentional about the commitment, communication, and connection between you and your partner.
It takes courage, vulnerability & heart to build a successful relationship (because they don’t just happen!)
For some reason humans think it should all be easy in a relationship. Remembering it starts off and it feels sooo good. But the reality is relationships all have moods, stress cycles, seasons, ups, down and everything in between.
If anger and bitching at each other has become the norm in your relationship (don’t worry, you are not alone here!) this is wonderful information. And if you honestly love each other and want to grow and thrive together, this is when the work begins.
How to navigate this is to build a solid foundation with each other that prioritises YOUR relationship.
First step is a Conversation to see if you are both on the same page! And often one is and the other is not quite so keen, but if you are both a hell YEAH, you can be guided to learn to communicate your deepest desires and fears with each other.
Guess what? talking about your upbringing with your partner can help with connection. How much do you really know about each other?
Vulnerability takes courage
Relationships take courage
Deep intimate connection is created from sharing with each other.
A simple way to connect is to make some time to share stories. Check in with each other to see if you are both up for it - always find a time that suits you both - never just spring it on your partner! Then take turns to pick one of the prompts and begin to tell a story of whatever it brings to mind. If you are listening, might I suggest you just listen and do not interrupt. It can feel super connecting being listened to!
Here are a few of my favourite prompts from A Game of Stories by Esther Perel
* What I learned about love from my parents …
* Something I pretend to know more about than I actually do …
* My views about love changed when …
* The kindest thing anyone has ever done for me …
* Something I grew up thinking was normal but later found out wasn’t …
* The thing that makes me hard to live with …
* Something I want but haven’t asked for …
I like to encourage humans to get more curious about their whole body, instead of going straight for the pleasure in the genitals. Mostly we have been taught to go straight for the instant gold, but this repeated over and over in the same spot can hinder humans from experiencing playful, loving 'in the moment' pleasurable sex. Our brains can get in the way! You might like to try something different!
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The science and research tells us that couples that maintain a sexual connection long-term prioritise having regular sexual pleasure together.
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I was reminded recently by one of my mentors, the wonderful Esther Perel, that Love is a Verb and for those of you who might remember their school English, a verb is what they call a doing word, ie it means you have to do something, take action. All these actions are ‘cushioning’ for your relationship. And when the ‘cushioning’ thins out and you have stopped doing the things you used to do regularly that you both enjoyed, this means you have NOT been conjugating the verb LOVE.
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