Are you aware how you show love to your partner?
And do you know exactly how your partner wants to be shown your love? Or have you just made assumptions based on the past?
Somehow it is always assumed that if you are with a partner that you love each other, and maybe for you that is the case. Or maybe you just are not sure as their behaviour does not feel very loving.
When we keep assuming something about our partner it can often cause breakdown in connection. This can happen when the honeymoon period is over, or when there is a new addition to the family and intimacy and connection have been relegated lower down the to do list?
Also when you notice you are feeling irritated and resentful towards your partner, or your partner is irritable and saying mean things to you, these can be signs that someone feels unloved and unappreciated!
Humans change! Life is constantly changing! We need to learn to adapt and keep communicating while we are in relationships.
Please do not assume what was said or done a few years ago is still what your partner may or may not still agree with! With intimacy and loving acts, again humans can change their mind and require something different. And it is so easy to forget to communicate this to each other without it feeling like a criticism.
When it comes to love and romance, please get more and more curious about your partner as time goes by. As I said we all change and sometimes we forget to communicate our needs.
Show Me Love can mean so many different things to different people
Here is a series of questions that might prompt you to understand what LOVE actually means to you and how important it is or is not in your relationship.
*What would it look like to have LOVE in your relationship?
*How would you feel inside if you had LOVE in your relationship?
*When do you feel the most LOVE in your relationship?
*When do you feel the least LOVE in your relationship?
*What can your partner do to increase that sense of LOVE in your relationship?
*What does your partner do to reduce your sense of LOVE in your relationship?
*What can you do to increase your sense of LOVE in your relationship?
*What do you do to reduce the sense of LOVE in your relationship?
Communicating and Asking Questions about LOVE always changes the energy in a relationship. If you truly love someone and do not feel they are reciprocating LOVE, try answering the questions above.
Powerful questions might just shift your connection to more intimacy!
The science and research tells us that couples that maintain a sexual connection long-term prioritise having regular sexual pleasure together.
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I was reminded recently by one of my mentors, the wonderful Esther Perel, that Love is a Verb and for those of you who might remember their school English, a verb is what they call a doing word, ie it means you have to do something, take action. All these actions are ‘cushioning’ for your relationship. And when the ‘cushioning’ thins out and you have stopped doing the things you used to do regularly that you both enjoyed, this means you have NOT been conjugating the verb LOVE.
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Do you notice when you are speaking, can you tell if your partner is really listening to you or not? Or do you feel that he or she has ‘left the building’ as it were? In other words, they are thinking about something else. When humans feel seen, heard, and understood by their partner this creates safety to share more of themselves and leads to the sensual intimacy you both desire
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